Mindy's Story

Dear Mindy Rayne:

This is the story of you.  I've probably forgotten details, but I hope that the most important parts are here for you.  Regardless of what I remember to detail for you, I hope you'll always know just how much your dad and I love you, not to mention just how much all of your siblings adore you.  You are truly the SuperMom Family Treasure.

Back in August 2011, I announced that CJ and Liam would be getting their cochlear implants and the way I announced it made it sound like we were announcing that I was having another baby.  Your grandma and grandpa were even a little upset because they heard that I was having a baby and hadn't told them.  The funny thing was that I wasn't at all pregnant...until one month later. That's when we found out you were coming. You were a complete surprise.  

Being pregnant with you was more challenging than all the other pregnancies I had with your siblings.  I think that's because I'm older.  34 doesn't feel very old, but I guess it is old when you're carrying a baby.  That, and I have Liam around. By the time you read this, your big brother Liam will be more mature and hopefully a little less exhausting. I'm hoping he doesn't teach you too many of his tricks.  But if he does, at least you'll be learning from the best.

It didn't take us long to choose a name for you.  We had a great boy name chosen and a great girl name chosen.  In my heart, I think I knew you were going to be a girl, but with four boys already I wanted to be prepared in case you were a boy.  I did love the name we had in mind for you. 

Your name comes from two very special people to us.  Mindy is a friend that I hope you get to meet someday.  Maybe you'll even inherit some of her traits, which would be amazing.  She and her husband, Henry, came into my life when I was 13 and set an example for me that would change me forever.  They taught me how families should be, how to love, how to work, and how to live the Gospel.  My own mom wasn't able to be a mom for me and your great-grandparents raised me from when I was eight.  Mindy and Henry picked up a lot of the slack for them.  They were even in the temple when your dad and I were married as witnesses.  Mindy is one of the most talented, kind, loving people I know and I named you after her because I hope that bearing her name will somehow entitle you to some of her phenomenal traits.  

Rayne comes from my friend, Vina.  Well, sort of. Vina and her husband, Monty, are good friends of your dad and me and they are funny and smart (except Monty isn't so great at playing Scrabble) and strong in spirit and in the Gospel.  Vina and I became fast friends and have a lasting bond. I've always wanted to name a baby after her, but her name is...well...a little different (then again, so is your brother Drezden's name).  It just never felt like it flowed right.  After we'd chosen your first name, we were trying to find a middle name that was equally as amazing. Your dad remembered that Vina has a daughter named Rain. Rain is smart and gorgeous and funny and athletic and talented in so many ways.  Daddy asked me what I thought of the name Mindy Rain, and I just knew it was perfect.  Just because I love to make things a little unique, I asked what he thought of spelling your middle name R-A-Y-N-E.  Daddy liked that as much as I did and it was decided from that moment forward.  And that's how you became Mindy Rayne.

The day after Christmas, I was getting ready to take your brothers and sister to the zoo and I slipped and fell on some water Liam left on the kitchen floor.  Let me just tell you that HURT.  I went to the doctor the next day because things weren't feeling right and we wanted to be sure you were safe. Your dad took me in and the doctor ordered an ultrasound.  That's when we learned that you were a girl.  I'm not going to lie. I was THRILLED to be having a girl even though I tried to play down my enthusiasm.

For the entire first trimester, I was tired and felt sick to my stomach.  The second trimester was better, but still challenging.  The third trimester?  Well, I thought you were trying to kill me.  Did you really have to plant yourself with one foot in my lung and one in my ribs?  No matter what I did, I just couldn't get comfortable.  Your dad and I promised up and down that we'd punish you harshly for all the discomfort you put me through.  Luckily you are so spectacular that we promptly forgot all of that the moment we met you.  

On Monday, May 7th, I noticed that my backache was a bit worse than usual. There was nothing I could do to get more comfortable.  I called your dad and complained about it, but it didn't occur to me that my aching back could be a hint of what was about to happen.  I also sat down on my bed for a few minutes that morning and woke up a full two hours later.  I didn't know it then, but my body was getting ready to help usher you into the world.  

That night, I went to bed around 11:30 after spending some time with your dad. I was just exhausted.  Your dad went to bed around midnight and I was sound asleep.  About 15 minutes after he went to bed, I woke up feeling like I really needed to use the restroom.  I tried that, and the cramping pains didn't go away.  That's when it occurred to me that the pains were coming about every two to three minutes.  I tried to wake up your dad, but he was too sleepy so I called my friend, Taffi.  We kept count of the pains and decided I should try a shower. That didn't stop the pains, either. I knew I was in labor and that the contractions were coming faster and closer than the doctor wanted me to let them be before going to the hospital. I decided it was time to really wake up your dad.

I woke him up and he started out a little groggy until I turned the lights on.  Once the lights were on, he took one look at me and he knew we needed to go right away.  The trouble was that it was too soon to allow you to be born.  You needed to cook longer.  I wasn't ready. The house wasn't ready. I didn't have a babysitter ready.  I started frantically throwing things into a bag while Daddy worked on finding someone to come stay with your brothers and sister. By this time, it was 1am on May 8th.  No one was answering their phones and we got worried. We even considered leaving Aiden in charge while we kept looking for someone to come stay at the house.  Finally, at the last minute, Tracey and Gerard were reachable and they came right over. Gerard helped your dad give me a blessing and we were off to the hospital.

I was in so much pain and the contractions were right on top of each other lasting long and hard.  Your dad drove as fast as he legally could (he's all about rules!) and kept me calm as I yelled and cried a little through the pain.  As he focused on driving, I called and talked to Taffi who helped me breathe through the contractions until we got to the hospital.

We had no idea where to go once we got to the hospital, so we went into the ER.  The ER people took one look at me and rushed me straight to labor and delivery.  They very quickly got me hooked up to monitors and informed me that my doctor was on the way to deliver you.  I remember asking if they meant you were coming right then. I needed your dad to explain it to me a few times because I think I was in a state of shock.

Before I knew it, the IV was in, the doctor was there, the spinal was in, and I was laying on the operating table with your dad holding my hand giving me the play by play as the doctor worked to bring you into the world.  At 4:05am on May 8, 2012, the world became a slightly more spectacular place as you came screaming into it.  You, Mindy Rayne, are perfect and you have been since the second you took your first breath.  And I am slightly more perfect just for being in your presence.  Just like each of your siblings, you make me a better person.

Because you came a bit too early, you had fluid in your lungs so you couldn't be with me for long before you were taken to the NICU where you could receive a higher level of care.  I hated having you away from me. It was miserable.  I didn't get to hold you until several hours later, but I made sure I pumped milk until you were ready to nurse. The minute you were ready to try eating, I was by your side all the time. Every 90 minutes, your dad would wheel me down to your room so I could try feeding you.  It was a miserable time having you in the NICU, but we were so blessed in that you only had to stay in the hospital a day or so longer than me.  

All of your siblings came to see you and tell you how excited they were to bring you home.  They just couldn't wait, and neither could Daddy or I.  I was so thrilled when they finally let us bring you home.

So, here you are. You have monitors that tell us about your heart and lungs and oxygen, but I don't mind that one bit.  You love to be held and snuggled and you hate to be put down. You are the snuggliest baby any mama could ever ask for. You are pure perfection.

We love you, Mindy Rayne. We love your cute little grunts. We love your long fingers and toes and your outie belly button.  We love how tiny you are and how big your cry is.  We love your soft skin and fuzzy little head. We love how you giggle in your sleep and stick your cute little legs and toes straight up when you cry. We love you.  

And that, my love, is your story.  Welcome to the world, Mindy Rayne.  May you follow your dreams and step into your majesty.  

Love, 

Mommy

 CJ came to visit you and wanted to bring you home right away.

 You had some trouble clearing fluid out of your lungs, so you were in the NICU in a CPAP machine for a few days.

 Just seconds after you were born, nurses started helping clear fluid out of your lungs. You were not impressed with that idea.

 Your big brother, Aiden, is so loving and gentle with you. I can always count on him to hold you and keep you safe for me.

 CJ and Drezden are so eager to take care of you.

 Drezden is probably most excited of all. He couldn't wait for your arrival!

 Garrett came to visit you a couple weeks after you came home.

 Miss Gracie is so loving and gentle with you. She helps Rachel and Drezden show you love

 Princess Rachel can't wait to teach you how to be a princess.

 Even Liam came to visit you in the NICU. Don't worry. I promise not to leave you alone with him.

 You started showing us your pretty eyes more often at around 2 weeks old.

 3 weeks old.  You must be drifting into a very happy dream.

 This was the first time I really got to meet you and hold you. I was so relieved to finally hold you in my arms. The wait just felt so long.

 2 weeks old. This was your first try of your fancy pink bouncy chair.

 You had to do a carseat test to prove you were big enough to come home. You passed!

 That yucky feeding tube in your nose made Mommy cry! We got it out as early as possible.

 Your daddy loves you so much. He was so thrilled to have another princess.

 Aiden came to meet you before anyone else.  He is such a great big brother to you.

 You looked oh so cool in your billi light bed. We called it your tanning bed.

 The very first time we met. It was brief, and I wanted to stay with you so much longer.  

CJ and Drezden meeting you for the first time. They wanted to bring you home right away!

Rachel loves reading to you!

Your big sister was so glad to meet you.

I'm Finally Learning To Let Go

Mindy Rayne was born three weeks ago tomorrow.  I know. Where is the birth story?  Well, it's coming.  Really.  It's actually one of the more exciting birth stories of any of my children, so I'm eager to write it all down before I forget it.  It's a little challenging to find time to sit down and really write it the way it deserves to be recorded because all of the kids (yes, that includes Liam) are out of school for the summer and Byron is back to work. That means it's just ME at home with all the little monkeys.

As much as I want to write down Mindy's birth story (she's PERFECT, by the way!), I want to record something I've learned over the past few weeks mostly for my own benefit. Maybe someone else will learn from it, too.

Here's what I've learned:  When a mom has a new baby, a few special needs kids, everyone at home, and a million chores to catch up on, it's impossible for her to make things picture perfect all the time. It can't be done. Is this common sense to some?  Yes, and it should be to me too.  On paper, I get it. But, in my head, it just doesn't always add up. I can't let go of the idea that someone might come over and see things out of place and think to themselves, "See? I knew she couldn't do it all.  She's a crappy mom all the way around.".  Or maybe someone will decide to help by offering a play date. Most moms would jump for joy at the idea, but my twisted brain goes right to "Shoot! If I do a play date, the other mom is going to write it down and remember that I owe them a play date, and I just don't have any room on my plate for that right now...and what if my kids are heathens while they're on a play date?  Then other parents will know I'm a complete failure as a mother."  Yes, I am completely neurotic because anyone who has ever met a single one of the amazing people I call friends would know that NONE of them think that way.  Still, I have this goofy idea of how things need to be.

So, if a mother isn't willing to let others help, but the chores still need to be done, and the Liam still needs to be managed, what is that mother to do?  Well, she is forced to let go of the idea that SHE is the only one capable of doing things. Guess what?  Byron is able to run the washing machine and load the dish washer!  Aiden can be a great helper, too. For that matter, all five of the big kids have things that they can do to help out.

In the past three weeks alone, I've done the following things to take some of the burden off my plate:
1. Allowed Byron to help discipline the kids more rather than thinking it always had to be me.
2. Taught Byron how to sort clothes and run the washer. He's also learned where all the kids' clothes go.  (Yes, I've always done it on my own because I was convinced only I could do it "right")
3. Taught Aiden to wash his own clothes.
4. Shown Aiden how to use the oven and follow simple food prep instructions.
5. Set up chore charts that all the kids are actually eager to follow and been consistent about requiring them to do their jobs. We split them up by morning and evening jobs to break it up for them a little bit.
6. Taught CJ how to load the dishwasher.
7. Introduced Drezden to how the broom and dust pan work.
8. Taught the three biggest kids how to keep Liam safely entertained. This is the biggest one.  It finally occurred to me that each sibling plus Byron and I could each take 15 minute blocks of time being in charge of Liam. This provides him with a variety of activities, keeps him safe, doesn't burden any one person, and teaches all of us what it means to literally be our brother's keeper.
9.  Learned to look away.  Just because the kids don't do things exactly my way or leave them looking like a hired maid was here doesn't devalue their contribution to the family and household.  If I can learn to let them do their personal best and accept that as good enough for now, my work load gets dramatically cut.

So, laundry is almost totally caught up, only dishes from this morning remain in the sink, Liam hasn't ruined anything, the lawn is mowed (way to go, Aiden!), the kids are happy and feel successful, Mindy is fed (I really am the only one who can do that for now :) ), and we're all okay.  There are still "off" moments where I'm not sure this ship isn't sinking fast, but those are fewer and fewer.  I still wake up in the morning and take a deep breath dreading what is in store for me, but my fears have been generally proven unfounded.  And, the kids are going on occasional play dates that I'm coming to realize no one expects me to repay in the immediate future.

So, there you have it.  I've taken a deep breath and a giant leap of faith and I'm finally learning to let go.

Choo! Choo! Riding the Potty Train!

Liam is ready to potty train. He stays dry most days as long as we take him to the potty every couple of hours.  I can't complain there.  This weekend, his school has asked us to work on the pooping part. Okay, I can do that.

This afternoon, I am letting him run around in just a pull-up before we graduate to underwear in the morning.  What could go wrong with that, right?  With Liam, really anything is possible. I'm not sure how I should feel about what I just saw.

Should I be more concerned that I just found him happily peeing in the dog's water bowl or the fact that the dumb dog drank it before I could get it all cleaned up?  Do you call poison control for a dog who just drank pee?  Beats me. She doesn't seem phased by it, though.  I will say it's very clear that Liam has remarkably good aim. Now if we could just get it out of the kitchen and into the toilet, we'll be doing well.

The Things You Learn

After five pregnancies, I've learned a few things.  This pregnancy being my sixth has taught me even a few more things.  Never being one to keep my mouth shut, I feel it's my responsibility to share my knowledge with everyone else.  You can all thank me later.

My Top Ten Facts of Pregnancy Life:

10.  Girl scout cookies totally qualify as a well-rounded breakfast.  And lunch. And dinner.
9. Hormones will make an expectant mother cry at everything. Literally. Everything.
8. Shaving legs is the ultimate display of love.  You have no idea how challenging it is to reach all those spots let alone see them.
7.  With each pregnancy, the bladder gets weaker and weaker. Never make a pregnant woman laugh too hard unless you're willing to mop the floor or scrub the couch she's on. Also, laughing at her for peeing her pants will make her cry.
6. Looking at a pregnant woman in horror while exclaiming, "Holy crap! You're huge", will either bring about a punch in the face or inconsolable sobbing. Or both.
5. Chasing an escaped dog up the block to bring her back home is pretty much impossible. It's pointless to try. Crying over the escaped dog is much more productive.
4. Chasing an escaped Liam up the block to bring him home is pretty much impossible, but is legally required. It's probably more productive to cry over the escaped Liam, though.
3. When a pregnant woman tells you she's feeling short of breath and like she might pass out soon, she's not kidding. No, seriously. She means it.
2. Completing a grocery shopping trip in your third trimester is equivalent to climbing Mount Everest with a 300 pound man on your back.
1. Those cups doctors want you to pee in are WAY too small for a pregnant woman and she is 100% guaranteed to pee on her hand. Every. Single. Time.

I Am Officially a Blogging SLACKER

Who knew getting pregnant with my sixth baby would slow me down so much?  Put your hands down, people. It was a rhetorical question.  Anyway, I can't believe how far behind I am.  I'm hanging my head in shame.  There's LOTS to tell, and I'm not crazy enough to think I can do it all. Instead, I'll post highlights from my facebook time line. At least I have that to jog my memory.  I did this on the hearing loss blog for posts that applied over there, too. It's just easier for now.  All that said, I promise to be a better blogger. Really.

I should add that the baby is a GIRL! Did I already announce that? Maybe so. I'm a walking brain fart these days. At any rate, she appears to be a healthy and very active little thing. She's wreaking havoc on my body, so I hope she's cute.  Anyway, on to the fun little updates.

January 17:
I don't want to freak anyone out or have people thinking the world is coming to an end, but Liam just put poop in the toilet instead of on the walls. IN THE TOILET, people!!! Could it be that we're nearing potty training and finally an end to the constant poocasso moments?!?!

February 2:

After Rachel's hearing test today, I took her upstairs in the hospital to see where the new babies are. There were tons of sweet, tiny, squishy, wonderful babies there. Rachel was impressed until she remembered that I have to have surgery to get the baby out. I'm not worried about it at all, but she is apparently very upset at the thought and has vowed never to have babies. Ever. I'm good with that.

February 8:

Aiden doesn't want to do chores, so I'm making him cut fresh garlic, onions, and vegetables for our turkey and vegetable chili for me instead. He's actually doing pretty well if you don't count the teary eyes. He's making a mess, though. Wait until he finds out he has to clean it up, though.

February 10:

Drezden was excited because he got to eat "Barbie Chicken" at school today. I think he means B-B-Q. Now he's trying to help me mate socks by putting them on his own feet to decide if they feel the same. Add that to his blue toenails and the fact that he woke up face down in a candy coma on Rachel's bare bed wearing a pair of her panties with the word "Princess" across the backside and I'm a little concerned. This kid has GOT to stop hanging out with his sister and get some guy friends.

February 13:

CJ finally lost his tooth last night that has been dangling for almost two weeks. Of course, he lost it in the middle of the night so the tooth fairy didn't make it and he's disappointed. Not to worry. The tooth fairy e-mailed his teacher to explain that she can come tonight if his room is tidy enough. He will be dying to come home to clean it. Everybody wins, right?

February 14:

Liam got off the bus today and promptly sang about three verses of Wheel on the Bus AND WE UNDERSTOOD HIM!! He added the /p/ sound at the end of beep and carried the tune. This was about the best Valentine we could ever have asked for. For a kid who just a couple months ago could say about 4 understandable words, this is really big. Little miracles happen each day.

February 15:

Our dog (who isn't very big) has a squeaky rubber chicken that she loves to play tug or fetch with. When she plays with Drezden, he just holds it and lays on his tummy. The dumb dog gets hold of the chicken and drags Drezden across the floor. Drezden thinks it's great fun and Byron and I enjoy the cheap entertainment.

I finally had a chance to sit and really look at the profile picture we got of the baby today. She has the same exact nose, mouth, and chin that Drezden has. The tech. also mentioned being able to see a dimple in her chin like he has. That means she's going to be stinking CUTE!! I'm a little excited.

I just found a letter in CJ's bag that a piece of his artwork was chosen to represent his school in a county-wide showing in Saint Charles and will be on display for the next month. Holy cow! The kid didn't even mention it to us.

February 21:

Fun Little Liam Update: He took me by the hand and walked to the refrigerator and said, "I want open". I opened it and he said "I want cheese". He was delighted that I understood and gave it to him. Then he said "Open please", which I gladly did for him. His speech is still mushy and a little hard to understand, but those are complete sentences, people! Complete sentences from the child who could barely put two sounds together to form a word six months ago. Never doubt miracles, my friends.

February 24:

I came home just in time to realize that I managed to run about a dozen errands with my maternity jeans on backwards. That, of course, included going to all the kids' schools. I can no longer mock CJ for his pants being on backwards.

My dog's only goal in life is to be best friends with the cat. Unfortunately the cat's only goal in life is to see the dog dead. This is obviously not going well for either one of them.

February 29:

Poor Liam stole some bologna fair and square from the fridge when I wasn't looking. He was proudly running away with it when the dog snuck up behind him and took it from him. It was the last piece in the house. Poor kid was crushed. Byron saved the day and brought more home for him to steal tomorrow.

March 2:

Me: Drezden, you are so cute! (He was eagerly cleaning the living room to earn a starburst).
Drezden: Oh, yes! I know I am. And I'm a rockstar, too. 
Apparently humility isn't one of his strong suits.

I was on the phone with my friend, Taffi, bragging about how well behaved Liam has been all afternoon. He's been cute and helpful and stayed out of trouble. As I was mid-conversation, I realized I had no idea where Liam actually was. Turns out he was in my room breaking a brand new bottle of nail polish all over the floor while painting his face with 24 hour lipstick that won't come off until at least tomorrow morning. Figures.  He also unfolded about four loads of neatly folded clothes waiting to be put away in that time. It was less than three minutes!!!!

So, that's all the updates for now. I'm setting a goal to be a better and more consistent blogger. We'll see how it goes.

Embarrassing Situation Narrowly Avoided

Anyone who knows me or who has followed my blogs long enough knows that I'm a pretty open book.  I'm like one big walking embarrassing moment after another and I'm usually pretty willing to share it.  If I don't do something to humiliate myself each day, my kids find a way to do it for me.  Yesterday's moment?  Well, that was all me.
One of the joys of pregnancy is that I get to pee in a cup every single time I go to the doctor. Don't be too jealous, folks. There is nothing classier than a woman who is approximately the size of a small satellite trying to pee into a cup the size of something meant for a Barbie tea party.  Anyway, I digress.
This doctor likes to have a sample from first thing in the morning after an overnight fast. Okay. I can do that. No big deal.  Yesterday morning I got up, got my sample ready,  got Liam off to school, woke up Aiden and the other kids, and got them off to school as well. It sounds simple, but getting that many kids up, dressed, fed, packed, and out the door WITH shoes and coats on is often easier said than done.  
Finally, after they were all off on their buses, I only had Drezden left to get to pre-school before rushing to my appointment.  I hurriedly packed his backpack, got all of my things together, and loaded into the car.  I dropped him off with his backpack and rushed off to my appointment.
When I arrived at the doctor's office, I realized to my horror that something was missing. My cup of pee!  Seriously?!? Where could it be?? And then I remembered the morning and even more horror washed over me. Drezden's backpack!!! How on earth could I possibly have left a cup of pee in my kid's backpack!?!?!? It was discreetly wrapped in a bag, but what if the teacher opened it?  What if she thought it was something other than pee and tried to serve it up as apple juice?  What if...?  Well, let's not even got there. 
I did my appointment, told the nurse where I thought the sample was, and provided another one all the while wishing I could get out of there and go get Drezden before something awful happened. I debated calling the school and telling his teacher about the mix-up, but what if she hadn't checked his bag?  What if, by the grace of God, I'd managed to leave it somewhere else or something?  Then I'd have fessed up and looked like a freak for no good reason.
Anyway, I finally make it to his school to pick him up and the teacher says "Oh! Drezden's main teacher put some paperwork in his backpack.".  Aaaahhhhhhh!!! She's been in the bag!!!  I grabbed his bag and looked. My bag wasn't in there. Had she found it and kindly thrown it out?  Oh my gosh! Did she find it and think it was a beverage??  I had to get home as soon as possible.  In my life, I've never prayed so hard to find a cup of pee sitting on my kitchen counter.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I made it home.  My heart was racing as I ran in the door. There, sitting on my table, was my bag with my extra special little sample.  I've never been so relieved.  
So there you have it, folks. No matter how crazy or embarrassing your life gets today, just know that you didn't accidentally forget a urine sample and have to spend the whole morning worrying that your four year old was carrying it in his school backpack.

Time For Updates? I Should Say So!

Shame on me! I've been so busy being knocked up that I haven't taken the time to blog.  Well that is sure to change. There are lots of updates and funny stories to tell, and by golly, I'm going to tell them.  Little by little, of course. I'm amazing and everything, but I'm not super human.  Well, mostly not super human.  Until I have time to tell each individual story that needs to be told (and there are some doozies!), here are the updates.

• Baby in my tummy is a GIRL and she's doing GREAT!
• Liam turned three and is going to school full time and doing awesome at it.  His new implant surgery went well and is considered a success! Oh, and he's in Sunbeams at church and no one has killed him yet. Amazing!
• Byron's company is going through some big scary changes, but we feel like we'll be fine. We always are.
• Christmas went remarkably well. We simplified it this year and the kids had a great time.  We learned that the game, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, can lead to great sibling rivalries (more to come on that story!).
• Aiden is busy, busy, busy with his drama club rehearsals. I imagine he'll be the best monkey Alladin has ever seen.
• CJ is loving cub scouting and hasn't accidentally shot anything...yet.
• Rachel has turned into the ultimate drama clean. Enough said.
• Drezden is cute as ever and talking a ton.  He may be shy, but he's learning to hold his own.
• Liam. Well, Liam is Liam. He's wild and crazy and messy and...well, perfect.

Okay, so those were boring updates I know. More to come very soon.  I promise! No really! It's true.